Little over 2 weeks clean. Still smoking cigs need to cut that soon. Sometimes battles with control over trying to change people or preventing things or making things happen can be out of my reach. I think i need to focus more on myself first and being an example and completely true and real follower of christ. I want to break away from the crutches so bad and just live without restrictions in complete love. No problems, peaceful, purposeful and completely happy. Getting clean and really diving myself into the word and living a true life will most likely get me there but then again i hate waiting. Establishing patience, humility and wisdom defanitly moves into a new start. Negative triggers and upsetting social and societle distractions seem to burden me to an extent. I need to ignore and seperate myself from these things that bring me down. Changes that are easy to write but hard to do for me. My mind needs to heal from all of the distress and comfort ive experienced with being bi-polar. I need to exert myself in my work, play, and social times so that I can have a clear sense of direction that doesn't hinder me. Life is good now but Life can always get better.  

Have 10 days clean and working at each day at a time. Life's difficult when you see people provoking negativity in front of your face. Need to humble myself, not get rises out of people but to become a more diligent and obidient person. Life needs a good laugh every once in a while but not to the point of taking it to the next level humiliating people. Starting two jobs very soon and focused on doing my best. Lord willing i will succeed. Its been enough of this downtime and time where I'm not progressing.

catch up of 09 had school at lccc in the spring took 4 courses and bombed 2 of them. got a b in pysch. drug abuse was killing me. didnt stop until october 21 a hospitilzation. lost track of money made 12000 in 09 but have nothing to show to for it. got a dui on july 4th, was drinking heavily in the summer and fall. had 2 court dates one for recieving stolen property and the other for the dui. total loss 3000.

2010- paying off school so far and books need to get my car fixed the brakes are shot proably around mid feb or end of feb ill be able to start saving paychecks.

pretty extreme ive been on xanga for 5.5 years now. wow lol. ok i feel like writing some poetic thoughts down now so here i go.

Ignite my fire and ill lay the wood, be one with me and breathe in my breath. We need eachother to be eachother. Enrage my passion for unity. Close the gaps of difference and feel my pulse every second. Consume all my desires for you. Reclaim my soul as ours so that nothing gets in our way. Live today as if each second is the last we will be together. Strength our love as we find out about everything. light my fire and let me burn for you.

our love